resolute this.

every new year i make a vow to do things to better myself only to disappointed by january 2nd.

this year, instead of making a new year's resolution, i've decided to make life changes. not "year" changes. i'm not sure exactly what this means, i know there are parts of my life that need some work (and you, stop agreeing with me, i'm sure you need to make some changes yourself). in general, i am not a patient person. i expect things to happen for me immediately and if they don't...watch out. so a life change or shall i say, a life improvement, is to be more patient.

i remember a time in my life when i was slightly, if not psychotically, OCD. everything had to be just right, perfect. somehow i've lost the ability to care enough that the salt shaker isn't perfectly in line with the pepper shaker on the dining room table. strangely, i want to care. i was incredibly organized. (i mean, maybe i still am a little...my closet is organized by tanks, tees, long tees sweaters...etc. and they are in color order...thanks sweeney). anyway, i feel like maybe i've lost my organizational skills somewhere along the way. i want them back. i'll work on it.

another change i'd like to make is to give myself a strict schedule. up at 6, out the door by 7, at work between 715 and 730, leave work by 430, dinner by 6, bed by 10. but really, who lives life like that? maybe i can atleast have a standard day. maybe life would be boring on a schedule. but i also hate the fact that i can't drag my lazy ass out of bed before 8 and that i'm eating dinner after 7 every night. That drives me nutty. so in a nutshell: schedule. done.

if you didn't know me in high school or prior to my freshman year of college, you've only known me to be a large girl. i used to run 50+ miles a week in high school. running was my life. and i was accused of having anorexic tendencies because i couldn't eat enough calories to make up for all of the exercise my body endured. i'm not saying that i want to return to those days and that figure, but not being judged by my size would be a great improvement on my current outlook toward assholes. i got myself a membership to the park district gym and will begin my rigorous training on monday, january 5th. it's a step in the right direction even if i don't return to the hefty 106 pounds again.

i'm sure there are more life improvements that i want to make. i've decided to withold a couple since they're private in nature. regardless, it's time to make some improvements. no one is perfect, but it's a plus if you strive to be.